ThOuGhTs

Blessed

One of the places I never expected to work at is in a mental institution. I've always imagined it was dangerous. In some ways, I was right. But what I didn't know is that the best things to come was just around the corner.

I started working at Princess Manor (the name of the place) on July '01, and it was fine at first for me. Well, actually, not on the first night, because one of the patients blew up unexpectedly. It was so scary. Then it went OK. I worked, and I got to know the patients by reading their history. I felt pity for all of them. Some of them were there because they got hooked on drugs, others because their parents never paid attention to them, and a few mainly because they lost their loved ones. I used to wonder why when I also lost my mom, and yet, I'm as normal as can be. Anyway, few weeks later, a new guy came. No, not an employee, but a patient. And I never thought he would be that somebody that would turn my life around.

The name-Steve Stankovich. The look-Jerry O'Connell. I'm not kidding, because he really looks like Jerry. My jaw dropped for two reasons: one-"he is so handsome!". two-"he is a patient?". I felt bad, quite a bit. But I never expected that he would be one of my very best friends. So, days went by, and he started to notice me. He occasionally said hi, then, the next thing you know, we clicked like you won't believe. We started to hang out, rollerblading, walking around the neighborhood, and even going out to play billiards. It never even hit me that the guy was a patient there, because he never looked like one, he never dressed like one, and he never acted like one. The reason why he was there is because he used to be violent due to drugs, and he was transferred after being sent to the hospital for evaluation. But even so, I didn't even bother thinking about it.

Letters soon followed, like I was a mailbox. Minute after minute, he would give me one. I knew that my co-workers would notice, but I let it be, pretending that I would just laugh after he leaves. Slowly, I felt something for him, too, because of the patience that he showed me. I gave him a shot. That I can say is one of the happiest days of my life. I know it sounds so stupid, but, hey, when it comes to love, you don't even think about anything around you, right?

It went smoothly, until my kindness took its toll. He got mad at me one day because he thought that I don't want him to be around when I went to church alone. He said some things to my boss that were not true, but that nailed me in my ass. As much as I wanted to stay, I was forced to go, although they didn't fire me, I just thought it would be the best. Sadly, most of the patients there didn't want me to go, either, but I had no choice. Oh yeah, there is also one reason why I left- the manager's wife is so jealous of me. Weird, huh?

I still think about him. I was hurt because of what he did, but it was all my fault. I didn't think about the consequences that would happen. I forgave him for what he did. After all, I think he never knew what he did, anyway. It was already 2 years, and I basically moved on, trying to think that it was all just a nightmare.

Two days after giving birth to my son ('03), I decided to go to church. Then somebody tapped me in my shoulder. It was Steve. My eyes could not believe it. Imagine it has been three years since we met. So, we finally talked about what happened. We apologized to each other, and I felt God's hands taking away the heavy burden that I used to carry. Since then, we never saw each other again. I just had a baby, so that made me occupied, and I forgot about him, completely. Until something happened unexpectedly.

I was cleaning my room two days ago, and I found a bag full of letters. They were all from Steve. I cried while reading them. Honestly, his letters were the only ones that I find very romantic, because he really expressed what he felt in his heart. HALLMARK is nothing compared to his, because that's how sweet they were. Nowadays, I smile when I think about him, especially when I see Jerry on "Crossing Jordan". I thank God because I feel blessed, not only because I wasn't one of the patients, but because I met Steve. I havent seen him ever since we met at church. He made me appreciate life more that I used to. I don't know where he is now, but I know in my heart that's where he will be, forever.

(meinen-zutchen est. 03-18-2005)

posted by kate buenconsejo @ 9:08 PM