ThOuGhTs

it was too late

I was only seventeen when my mom passed away, and what happened aound the time she passed was something unexplainable. If you don't believe that your relative/s that crossed over don't communicate with you, think again.

It was a hot sunny June 15th. The year was 1998. Around 1:30 p.m. I was getting ready for school. I was ironing my uniform, and for some reason, the zipper on my skirt broke. It was frustrating because that was the only set I had. So, I thought I will just go to school the next day since it was just the start of the semester. At that time, my mom was confined at the hospital for her scheduled chemotherapy. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago. Going back to the zipper incident, I thought maybe I could go to my brothers' school, and wait for them until their class ends so we can all go to the hospital together.

I never thought that around the same time I was getting ready for school, my dad already picked up my brothers, or I think even earlier than that. Pagers already existed, and I had one but he never paged me to let me know. In short, I waited there for nothing. Frustrated and a little hungry, I left and then went to the hospital. Good thing that my friend decided to go with me. At least on the trip, I was not bored.

At last we got at the hospital. All I could think of at that time was food. So, when we came out of the elevator, I already saw my cousin taking some stuff outside my mom's room. I had three things in mind: one is- the room is being cleaned; second-my cousin and my aunt are going home; third-my mom is ready to go home. None of those three thoughts were right. As I was approaching my room, I noticed in the distance my cousin's eyes were red and swelling. Then my aunt came out, also with her eyes all red. Finally, my dad came out, and asked me where I've been. I didn't even answer him when he told me what I've been fearing the most: "mommy's gone". I became deaf, numb, but never cried or didn't even break down. I even said "really?". My friend was there, patting my shoulder. I couldn't move, but I forced myself. I told my friend he can go home, so his parents wouldn't worry about him.

I went inside the room. There she was in bed. Her whole body covered in white blankets but her face was exposed with some cotton balls inserted on her nose. (they do that so the food or whatever liquid she had taken before passing wouldn't come out from there.) My dad and my aunt came in with me. They were all patting my shoulder when I asked them to leave me alone with her for a minute or two. When they did, I touched her forehead, and I told her not to worry, and I'm ok. I have never touched a dead person's body, and I got scared at first but you will never be if that dead person was somebody really close to your heart. I finally said my last words, and kissed her on the lips. When I came out, my other cousin and his wife came, and offered us a ride home. I opted to go home with my dad instead.

I told my dad to go ahead and load some stuff inside the car, and told him I would go in the back to see if there's anything I could get to eat. I went to the other side of the hospital, carrying my mom's reading glasses, and sat down. There, I cried like a baby, while holding her glasses. I was looking up in the sky. The sky was so dark, it looked like it was feeling my pain. I never cared about the people passing by seeing me there. I just cried and cried 'til there were no tears left in my system. Finally, when I had myself together, my dad came to pick me up. I, then, asked him what time she passed. And his answer gave me the chills that my dad thought I passed out beside him: "1:30 p.m." I cried even more.

Few days after that, one of her friends from church came to the wake, and she talked to me about how wonderful she was. And, she also told me that she already knew about my mom's passing: she was on her way back home from the mall, when a black butterfly landed on her right shoulder, at around 1:35 p.m. Seeing that, she got goosebumps, and tears in her eyes. Instead of getting rid of it, she talked to the butterfly. She said that she knows it's her, and she was thanking her for saying goodbye. And then, it flew away, but it landed on the side, trying to follow her. She stopped for a while, sat where it landed, and she said "I know I'll miss you, but I know that you're free now. Go on now, and fly. He's waiting for you." Somehow, it flew away, and never followed her again.

Was it just a coincidence? Or was she trying to say goodbye to some people that were never there on her bedside when she passed? For me, I dont think so. What do you think?

posted by kate buenconsejo @ 7:52 PM